The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With Legolas

**Warning: unflattering picture enclosed.**  Yes, it's true...I was a tub of goo at one point.  After a stressful family move overseas, Heather and I gave up on all aspirations of fitness and healthy eating, and took up binge-watching Lost and munching Milka chocolate. 

*Sigh*

If only life could be the stuff of Lost and Milka--that would be something.

We enjoyed this unhealthy hiatus immensely, and here you see the result.  As my glorious girth tipped the scales at 225 lbs (just over 100 kg), motivation began to outweigh gluttony.   

The next few years consisted of me chipping away those extra 40 lbs like Michelangelo carving a hidden David from inside that goo (well, maybe David Letterman).  The added weight greatly impacted my ability to jump and enjoy the game of basketball.  I can sum up what I learned during this period with a simple equation:

Chocolate + Binge-watching Lost + Couch = Crummy Jumping Ability

I set a goal that on my 40th birthday I would dunk a basketball.  I consulted with physics experts and formed a new equation to help me get there.  Something like...

Tofu + P90X - Couch = Sweet Jumping Ability

OK, maybe I didn't really eat tofu, but I did rounds of P90X until I could no longer stomach Tony Horton's jokes, and the result was a modest dunk on my 40th.

Alas, time is a cruel mistress.  What she gives in wisdom, she takes away in jumping ability; but I have a plan, and this is where Legolas comes into play (because I knew you were wondering).

I was 10 pounds heavier than my current weight when I dunked that ball on my 40th.  To do it at age 44, I will need to be the leanest I've been in my adult life--maybe in my entire life.  Fat is gravity's friend and therefore my sworn enemy; any ounce I can shed will reduce the burden on my muscles to get me above the rim.

So my training will break into two phases:  Phase Lego"loss"  and Phase "Gym"li (FYI no pun is a bad pun).

The Lord of the Rings Dunk Plan

Phase Lego"loss"

It's all about weight loss here.  Remember when the LOTR crew was on that snowy mountain pass and Legolas was walking on the snow?  That's gonna be me when this phase is over, I'm going to need lead Nikes to keep from blowing away in the wind.  So we're going to lock up the Cinnamon Toast Crunch and break out the quinoa, because who likes junk food anyway? (ME!)

Phase "Gym"li

It's all about explosion here, and that means time in the gym.  Gimli says Dwarves are "built for short distances"--meaning they are about explosive movement, none of that endurance madness.  This phase will transition me from weight-loss oriented workouts to heavily-concentrated explosion exercises; this should put a defibrillator on the fast twitch muscles, shocking them to life; medicine ball jumps, power cleans, dead lifts, and squats will become my new best friends.  It will be as fun as a bucket of tears. I can't wait!

Week 1 in the books - so far so good. 

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Also, it's never to late to train to dunk whatever it is you want to--a toy basketball on a Fisher Price hoop, or a maple bar in your hot cocoa?  Heck, maybe it's your fear of public speaking or the fact you never learned the salsa.   I would love to see a video of your dunk on D-day.

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